Thursday, March 31, 2011

Fug the Cover: Jessica Simpson

Sigh.

I give up. It?s fine. Just run around in outfits that are too small for you all you want. Let major magazines snap pictures of you using the directive, ?pretend you?re six, and you just finished an awesome floor routine at Little Sassy?s Gymnastic Academy and Juice Bar.? Never close your mouth, ever, if that?s how you feel ? seriously, take your wedding photos with your mouth hanging open. At least we all know you?re getting oxygen to your brain.� Do whatever you want. I mean it. Your company is on track to make a billion dollars this year. YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT THAT WAS NOT A TYPO ONE BILLION DOLLARS. So ? now as ever ? I CLEARLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM EVEN TALKING ABOUT.



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LeAnn Rimes Will Only Argue Naked Now

LeAnn Rimes Wedding Dress

Feeling increasingly cock-sure thanks to a brand-new chest full of silicone, LeAnn Rimes plans to solve all her romantic disputes by getting naked and then whipping shoes at Eddie Cibrian. Via Us Magazine:

?A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked!? Rimes tweeted Monday. ?I?m gonna do that from now on, when that rarely happens.?

Tell me somebody else read that as, ?Eddie, leave every toilet seat up in the house before plowing your ex-wife on our bed.? I can?t be the only one.

Photos: Getty, Splash News, WENN



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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Well Played Hair, Olivia Palermo

Saw what you will about Olivia Palermo, but she has basically the best hair EVER:

I?m serious. That?s my dream hair, there on her head. It?s so SHINY and BOUNCY and THICK and it always looks perfect. I don?t know how Whitney Port resisted, in their moments of dramz on The City, just YANKING on it. It?s right there, all IN YOUR FACE with its GOODNESS and that sort of thing can just add insult to injury. Like, ?you are making my life hair and also WHY IS YOUR HAIR SO PERFECT ALL THE TIME WHY??

Yeah, so OP should sell Olivia Palermo Hair Perfector, is what I?m saying. I?m the person who will buy whatever cracked-out hair product whatever magazine I?m reading at the time suggests, and I will totally buy if they told me to. She has connections. Make it happen, Palermo. I need my hair perfected.

No, seriously: Is that a dress, or a top and skirt? I really can?t tell. And regardless of what it technically is, do we like it? I think I do, actually ? it?s unusual and kind of funky and maybe a little BUSY, but I like that it has textural interest. TAKE TO THE COMMENTS AND HOLD FORTH!



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Courteney Cox Still Wears Bikinis

Courteney Cox Bikini

Making her fourth bikini appearance in under a month, here?s Courteney Cox vacationing in St. Barts today. Her Cougar Town co-star Josh Hopkins is also there with her ? romantically, I might add ? but somehow kept getting cropped out of the photos. If I had to put my finger on it, I?d say it?s because he doesn?t have breasts, but let?s not go jumping to conclusions. I could just as easily have been trying to prevent David Arquette from putting a gun in his mouth because a more attractive man is lessening the chances they?ll get back together with each and every thrust of his penis. I have a heart, too, you know.

Photos: Splash News



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Elizabeth Taylor Has Died

Elizabeth Taylor Has Died

Hollywood icon Elizabeth Taylor, has died. She was 79.

"She was surrounded by her children - Michael Wilding, Christopher Wilding, Liza Todd and Maria Burton," Taylor's publicist, Sally Morrison, said in a statement. Taylor is also survived by 10 grandchildren and four great grandchildren.

Her son released this statement after her passing:

"My Mother was an extraordinary woman who lived life to the fullest, with great passion, humor, and love. Though her loss is devastating to those of us who held her so close and so dear, we will always be inspired by her enduring contribution to our world. Her remarkable body of work in film, her ongoing success as a businesswoman, and her brave and relentless advocacy in the fight against HIV/AIDS, all make us all incredibly proud of what she accomplished. We know, quite simply, that the world is a better place for Mom having lived in it. Her legacy will never fade, her spirit will always be with us, and her love will live forever in our hearts."

On Feb. 11, it was announced that she had been in taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles earlier that week for symptoms caused by congestive heart failure, and around 1:30 a.m. she "peacefully died there," according to her publicist, PEOPLE reports "Though she had recently suffered a number of complications, her condition had stabilized and it was hoped that she would be able to return home. Sadly, this was not to be."

In 1993, the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences, in recognition of her charity work, presented Taylor with its Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award.

Born in Hampstead, England, the second child of Francis Taylor, an American art gallery owner working abroad, and his wife Sara Sothern, who was a former actress, Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor moved with her family to Los Angeles before the start of World War II.




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Judge Judy Medical Emergency: I Needed a Day to Chill


Judge Judy just called Harvey Levin from her hospital bed to tell him she's fine, saying, "I'm just exhausted, and my body was telling me it needed a day to chill."

Judge Judy Update

Judge told Harvey, "I was feeling funky this morning ... funky enough that I knew someone should give a gander over what I got."

As TMZ reported, Judge was taken by ambulance to the hospital after complaining of intestinal discomfort.

Judge said, "I'm really fine.� I wanted to go back to work this afternoon," adding, "I'm exhausted.� I'm just tired. �� A lot of things just zoned together, including the bad news of the world."

Her Honor also said, "At my age, I know my body.� My body is fine."

Judy says she's at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in L.A.., where she just had an MRI.� Doctors are doing a few more tests and she says she'll be out tomorrow.

Judy says, "I'm gonna go home tomorrow.� It was a bad idea to fly home tonight."

Judy has one big regret about going to the hospital today.� She says some people from Las Vegas were coming to see her this afternoon to talk about a new Judge Judy slot machine.� She says the meeting will be put on hold for a week.

Harvey to Judy:� Get back on the bench, stat!


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Tags: Judge Judy,�Nurse!




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TMZ Live 03/30/11: Your Questions Answered!


The real reason why being Britney Spears' opening act ain't good enough for Enrique Iglesias ... Plus, why a cancer-stricken boy's family is now telling the "Barefoot Contessa" it's too late for her to make good on the lad's wish!

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Tags: TMZ Live




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