Dr. Drew's insightful interview with Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison about their unjustified deportation from the pumpkin patch for smearing the innocent retinas of children with their full-blown skankness was a ratings goldmine (not really) and is said to be the frontrunner for a Peabody Award (no, it's not), and so he has brought them back for another future award-winning piece of high-brow journalism. Christiane Amanpour, get yourself some Visine, girl, because I see the envy trickling out of your eyes.
In an episode airing on Monday, Dr. Drew is finally going to answer the question we've all been asking. No, the question I'm talking about is not why hasn't Dr. Drew dropped a 5150 on Courtney for driving the world into insanity with her mind-boggling beauty. Dr. Drew is going to take an ultrasound probe to chichis of the 17-year-old velociraptor who Doug found stuck in the Rock of Love Bus' septic tank. Courtney has always said that her chesticle sacks are 100% organic like the rest of her and now Dr. Drew is finally going to find out the true answer to one of life's greatest mysteries.
Oh, that fame whoring Dr. Drew is always finding new ways to terrify us. Why do I have a feeling that as soon as the tech started the titty ultrasound, she looked at the screen and blacked the shit out American Horror Story-style.
Dr. Drew isn't going to reveal the results of his investigative report until Monday, but I'm pretty sure the only things they find in Courtney's titties are a couple push-up bras her nipples sucked in, a few alien fetuses, her original birth certificate and a key to Mesopotamia.
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